The Brightest of Lights
by Shippingsempai
Summary: Light holds the Death Note for the first time since he lost his memory and all his memories come back to him. He tries to come to terms with his newly remembered identity and what his identity means for his complicated relationship with L. Do not read if you don't ship L/Light.
1. Remembrance

Ryuzaki's smooth, delicate hands present Light with the "Death Note" in an odd manner. He holds it with two hands perched on top of the notebook. Even though Light and Ryuzaki have disagreements (almost daily) the former still finds himself internally smiling at the latter's odd way of going about life, like now. He steals a glance at Ryuzaki, something he's been finding himself doing a lot lately in an attempt to decipher the detective. Light's glance soon turns into an inquisitive glare when the thought that Ryuzaki is pulling his leg comes to mind. _He doesn't seriously think that I'm going to believe that there's a shinigami outside of the helicopter_. He considers not taking the notebook but then the trust that Light holds towards the detective causes him to reach for the notebook.

His hand feels like it's on fire and pain shoots at his temples. The pain feels as though it's trying to rip his very existence apart and Light fights it with all his might. Finally the pain becomes too intense he stops resisting and lets it wash over him. Disgusting memories flash in front of his eyes. He lets out a gut wrenching wail.

"Light, are you okay?" L asks with his hand hovering five inches from Light's shoulder. Light looks apologetically into L's eyes.

"What have I done?" Light says limply.

* * *

Light wriggles in his bed which is seven feet from Ryuzaki's. The probationary cuffs are still on both of their wrists but the wary detective decided to give them a little slack when they sleep as per Light's request. He tries not to move that much as to not disturb his roommate because he'd rather not speak to L right now.

_Ryuzaki was right. I'm Kira. Hundreds of people are dead by my hand. _He looks at his hands, horrified. Memories flash through his eyes less like a conventional memory and more like a horror movie. He watches himself plot and scheme. Even _now_ he's planning how to get out of being put to death (though he gets nowhere due to the rather large pit in his stomach). _Who am I? Am I Kira or Light? While it's true that I feel differently about Kira now, I still feel disgusted with myself. Even though I feel that Kira is a righteous god and that I did a good deed by using the Death Note, I don't want to fight against Ryuzaki and the other task force members. Still, I need to cleanse this world of its impurities. _

"Light?! Snap out of it," L sternly commands, lightly shaking him, obviously woken up from Light's shuffling. His fingers drill into Light's skin and his touch makes him feel sick with guilt. _I planned to kill Ryuzaki. I planned to kill my only friend by erasing my memories to get close to him. I feel sick. _Light starts to dry heave over the side of the bed with the putrid thought. L tries to pat his back but his hand gets swatted away.

"You were right," Light chokes out.

"About what?" Ryuzaki says hesitantly, sounding like he knows what Light is talking about. The 25 year old obviously never has dealt with an emotional person before

"It's okay," L says while he awkwardly pats his near hysterical roommate. Light looks at his best friend and laughs, finding dark humor in the fact that they would've never met and befriended L if he wasn't Kira.

"If you are beyond any reconciliation I can give you I can call for Watari to take you to a specialist," Ryuzaki seriously asks. Light now wants nothing more than to go back to the life he had before. He wants to be able to look at L without feeling on guard; he wants to smile at him without feeling guilty. _How do I ever come back from this? _Light thinks.

"What would you do if I was Kira?" Light blurts out and regrets it. But the question rolls around in his head and now he genuinely wants to know. Still, a tiny voice in the back of his head tells him to not make Ryuzaki even more suspicious than he is already. He would say that his inner voice sounds something that Kira would say but then he remembers he _is _Kira.

"What are you talking about?" Ryuzaki asks.

"Answer me!" Light shouts, reaching for Ryuzaki's hand. Now that the question has planted itself in Light's inquisitive head, he needs to know (though he's not sure why). Light clutches L's hand like a life line to his sanity and he stares at L's dark orbs of eyes that look sadly back at him.

"What would I do if you were Kira?" he says slowly, as if testing the question "When I first met you I probably would've responded, without hesitation, I would put you into jail. But now…" his voice and eyes trail off. He tries to untangle his hand from Light's but Light cradles Ryuzaki's hand in two of his.

"What would you do now?" Kira says desperately.

"I don't know. Spending my time with you and the taskforce makes me feel as though I'm part of family thus making me question my views on humans," he pauses, looking like he wants sweets to distract him "I mean to say that I want to protect those who are close to me." Light smiles at the confused detective with him sitting on his bed and Ryuzaki sitting on his own bed. He decides to migrate next to Ryuzaki, so that he could confess.

"Ryuzaki, I have to tell you something."

"I don't want to know," he abruptly says "I don't want you to tell me anything. I believe in you with my whole being and, if it's really important, I want to figure everything out on my own." Light shoots a surprised look at Ryuzaki. He looks at the detective's drooping eyes and head and smiles. He snakes his arm around Ryuzaki's head to pull the side of his head to his own. Light's arm returns to his side and his eyes droop. He thinks about how nice it is to have someone to believe in you. He smiles at how L is so blatant about how he's willing to overlook Light's crimes. Before Light goes to sleep he wonders if the part of him that is happy that Ryuzaki is willing to sacrifice himself for him is the Kira part of him.

* * *

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I'm planning to have this story be two or three chapters long. Oh and sorry if Light and/or Ryuzaki seem out of character but it's really hard to write them and sorry for making this chapter so short.


	2. The Little Mermaid

Author's Note: I took the 25th episode and changed it a little bit. Spoilers for episode 25 so do not read if you haven't watched the 25th episode (which is the ep. of the feels and if you haven't watched it I suggest you don't).

* * *

"I suppose there is no need for the handcuffs anymore. Watari, please remove the cuffs," Ryuzaki quietly says without looking at anyone but Light catches him throwing a glance at him, almost as if he's expecting him to do something. Light's chest feels tight but tries to suppress the feeling. _It serves him right for interfering with me, a god. What did he think was going to happen? Fool. _Light thinks halfheartedly. He's warmed to the thought of himself as a god and slowly his old personality returning to him.

Matsuda and Light's father are excited and beaming. _They are fools too. They're in for a surprise when the killings start again. _

"Light! I'm so glad that you're free!" Misa's obnoxious voice exclaims from behind him. She possessively grabs the arm of her 'boyfriend' and Light promptly tries to free himself.

"Now we can finally go on dates without you," Misa exclaims, glaring at Ryuzaki. The detective looks at her sideways, unamused. In fact, he looks a little bit sad.

"I'll catch up with you later, Ryuzaki!" Light blurts out and cringes at his bluntness. _Why am I comforting the person who's trying to catch me; apparently, spending all that time with Ryuzaki has gotten to me. _

"Let's go," Misa urges. And, even though he chastises himself for it, he looks wistfully at the lonely detective, thinking of how much more enjoyable the 'date' would be if he was coming.

* * *

"You remember everything? That's so amazing!" the annoying model shrieks next to Light on the bench.

"We need a game plan," he responds.

"That's the Kira I kno-" Light puts his hand over her mouth to keep her from divulging too much information.

"Are you crazy?! Not in public!" Light whisper yells. She nods and he removes his hand.

"Do you want me to do something about L? He_ is_ trying to catch you after all and that's unacceptable!" She earnestly says. Light's heart does a backflip at the prospect of Misa 'dealing' with Ryuzaki. He almost immediately responds.

"Absolutely not!" he clears his throat "I mean to say that I'll deal with him myself." Translation: Light has no idea what he's going to do about L. If he does anything about L then Ryuzaki will disappear. But he doesn't know if he _wants _to do anything to L either. He always secretly enjoyed their high stake battle of wits. And he also enjoys his leisurely time with Ryuzaki.

He sees Misa inquisitively glaring at him out of the corner of his eye but ignores her because he's too busy thinking about what to do with Ryuzaki and L.

* * *

Misa stalks through the woods, pouting. On their date Light told her to go to the spot where he buried the note to get back her memories. When she finally arrives at the spot, she kneels down and starts clawing at the earth, furious at Ryuzaki. When Light thought about the funny detective he had an expression on his face that she never saw before. He looked like he was laughing fondly at a silent joke in his head but the thing is, Misa missed the punch line. Light has never looked so fond of anyone else, her or otherwise. It wouldn't bother her if he gave her the permission to take care of him because it would mean: A) She'd never have to see that expression on Light's face when he thinks about Ryuzaki again and B) It would leave, beyond a doubt, that he cares more about _her_ than Ryuzaki.

Finally, she sees the notebook and lunges at it, wanting to know all she can about Light. She doesn't resist the pain.

* * *

"Ryuk, I can't remember what L's real name is!"

"Hmm? I thought Light told you he'd take care of L, so why should you care?" Ryuk asks.

"Wait a second! Why _do _I care? So what if Light has a certain expression on his face when he thinks of L? It's not like there's anything romantic between them because Light doesn't play for that team," she loudly reasons "Don't you agree Ryuk?"

"I don't think Light 'plays' for any team, as you so crudely put. I think he just loves about who he cares about (if Light indeed is capable of loving anyone)."

"You think that…?" she trails off.

"I've known Light for quite a while now and one thing I know for a fact is that he doesn't do _anything _without a reason. Am I saying that Light feels a certain way toward L? No. But I _will _admit that no one gets him so worked up other than L. Their relationship is so strange and interesting," he muses.

Misa grows limp and clutches the Death Note. Frustrated tears stain the dirt crusted cover of the note. _So what does this mean?! Does this mean that no one else can compare to L in Light's eyes? Am I not good enough for him?! _

"Misa?" Ryuk says hesitantly, as though he's approaching a time bomb. _This is all L's fault! Does Light really love L more than just a friend? He treats L like he's the only person in the world that matters personally to him! I hate him so much. _

"Ryuk, I want to make the eye deal!"

* * *

Rain assaults the glass that's perched next to the ceiling. Light's footsteps echo in the hallway. He's been pacing the building all day, trying to figure out what to do about the nosy detective. Every conclusion he comes up with includes killing Ryuzaki. For some inexplicable reason he can't bring himself to do that. He was beginning to form a theory that he just couldn't forget the time he spent with him.

His eyes snap up, though on instinct, and looks out into rain. Light sharply intakes a breath as he sees Ryuzaki standing alone in the rain. In one word, this scene could be best described as, beautiful. In the middle of this scene is Ryuzaki, looking up at the sky, as though trying to discover the secrets of the universe. He stands, shoeless, and his shivering back is curved. His shiny black hair is limp and tired looking from the rain. But the emotion on his face makes the scene; the emotion on his face is one of pure hopelessness.

"What are you doing standing out there in the rain?!" Light yells. Ryuzaki cranes his head and smiles, almost mockingly at the other boy. Light tries again but gets the same response. He frowns and considers leaving him, but only for a fleeting second. He needs to talk to L; he needs to disrupt this fragile scene. An umbrella is propped up on the wall. _What's wrong with him? Who brings an umbrella to the roof just to leave it? For such a smart guy, he sure is stupid. _Even with the malicious thoughts in his head, Light still opens the umbrella and walks out in the rain. He wants to shield Ryuzaki to pay him back for all the times Ryuzaki has shielded Light from storms.

* * *

"Are you crazy? You won't last long if you keep throw your life around," Light says, covering Ryuzaki with the umbrella. He shoots Light a bored, amused look.

"Why should you care? _You're_ the one who's killing me," he bluntly says. Light falters a little bit because L usually does not exhibit malice, especially not outwardly towards Light.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Light replies, feigning innocence.

"Tell me Light, from the moment you were born has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth? Let's skip this pretense. I can feel the end drawing near and I don't want my last hours to be spent lying," he whispers. Anger pulses through Light.

"What are you talking about?! No one is making you do this to yourself!" Light shouts before he can stop himself. He is struggling with keeping up this pretense all by himself. He desperately want to keep up this façade because he doesn't want to know what type of raw emotions is hidden behind the veil.

"Kira, have you ever loved anyone?" Ryuzaki asks. Light can practically hear the sound of comfort in the form of unsaid words fluttering in the wind.

"What are you talking about? Of course. I love my mom, dad, sister, and Misa," his stomach hurls at the thought of him loving Misa "And I love you" he says before he can stop himself. _That's taking the lie a little too far. I am a god. I do not love. _He looks at Ryuzaki, seeing if he acknowledged his outburst. He shakes his head and snorts.

"You're lying. If you _really _know what love is then you'd know why I'm doing this to myself. Have you ever heard of the tale _The Little Mermaid_?"

"Yeah, we read it in primary school."

"I'll refresh your memory. Once upon a time, a young mermaid lived contently under the sea. But, she fell in love with a human. She wanted to be with him so she made a deal with a sea witch to give her a pair of legs and, in return, she'd give the witch her voice. She and the prince met and, even though she could not speak, he was entranced by her dancing. She danced day and night for him even though it was excruciating. The prince, despite mermaid's obvious affections, married another. Her sisters give her a knife they obtained from the witch in exchange for their long hair. They told her that she can use to the knife to kill the prince in order to get her tail back, but she couldn't bring herself to kill the only person she's ever loved. She throws herself in the sea where she dissolves into foam. That's the end of her melancholic tale. I'm going to ask you a couple of questions if that's okay?" he asks Light who promptly nods "My question to you is: Is her fate appropriate for her actions? Is the prince really in the wrong? If not, then who is the real villain in the story? Is it the Sea Witch, the prince, or the prince's wife? Lastly, and most importantly, would it better for her to never have met the prince and continue living contently under the sea, not knowing love?" Ryuzaki looks at Light expectantly. His features are tired and defeated, almost like it's taking too much energy to even stand upright.

"We need to get you inside Ryuzaki."

"Answer my questions," he says with a cracking voice. Ryuzaki closes the steps between them under the umbrella and rest his head on Light's shoulder. Light's muscle, the same muscle that has killed thousands of people, feels on fire on the small spot where the detective's forehead rests.

"Wha-?"

"Please," he mutters into Light's now waterlogged sleeve. Light hesitantly places his hand on the top of Ryuzaki's head.

"I feel that the mermaid is her own enemy. She was foolish and took a chance on love thus she has no one to blame but herself. To your last question, she should've just lived contently. Though it wasn't filled with love she was at least living." Ryuzaki clenches the back of Light's shirt in frustration "Why does any of this matter anyway?"

"I can relate to her. I've never known love before I met you. I still don't know what precisely love is but I know that whenever I see you it makes me feel like I'm eating chocolate. I know that whenever I see you with Misa I feel jealous. And we both know that I know that I'm willing to sacrifice my life to protect you, Light."

"Y-you love me? I-In what way?" All Light could think of at that moment was Ryuzaki's proclamation.

"I love you in the way that I wouldn't mind kissing you."

"Does that mean you're...?" Light trails off. He doesn't discriminate towards anyone and doesn't really care what sexuality anybody is. He doesn't even know what his sexuality is; to be honest, he's never been even remotely curious to what it is until he met Ryuzaki. In short, he has always been disinterested when it came to things concerning sexuality. But for some reason, he wants to know about Ryuzaki.

"Does it really matter what I am? The Light I love is dead and you're just a serial killer," he says, disgusted.

"So why are you doing this?" Light blurts out. Ryuzaki removes his head from Light's shoulder and rests his forehead on Light's. He cups Light's cheeks in his hands and runs his thumb along his cheekbone. His eyes bore into Kira's, as though he's trying to find Light.

"I still believe that Light is down there somewhere."

"Oh, why is that?" Kira mocks.

"I believe that because I'm still alive," he pauses and looks away "at least, for now. Kira, can I ask you a question?"

"What is it?" he responses sharply.

"How does Light feel about me?" With that question in the air, Ryuzaki drops his hands from Kira's face but Light quickly grabs Ryuzaki's hand. He abandons the umbrella and uses his free hand to caress the detective's soft cheek.

"I don't know," Light says quietly. L's eyes grow cold.

"Why do you have to confuse me so much? You say things that the typical, cynical Kira would say but then you turn around and do things that would Light would do," he scoffs "You know, I never had something truly vex me before I met you."

"So you agree with me?" Kira mockingly asks, tightening his grip on L's hand.

"What?"

"With the fact that the foolish mermaid should've just stayed under the sea."

"On the contrary, I believe that our definitions of life vary differently. What the mermaid wasn't living before the prince wasn't life at all. If she was real then I think she'd say that she doesn't regret anything. I refuse to go back to my life before you and the task force. I will not pursue you Kira, just as the mermaid wouldn't kill her prince because I will not destroy the tiny part of Light I think that is still thriving within you," L chokes out. Light snorts.

"You sure do talk a lot. Just for today, could we not be L and Kira? I don't want to hear that name. Could I be Light and you could be Ryuzaki and we can both do what we want?"

"Fine. What do you want to do?" Ryuzaki spits out.

"I want to prevent you from turning into sea foam," he whispers against the detective's lips as he curls his hand around Ryuzaki's chin. Their lips hesitantly meet and for a brief second, they were just Ryuzaki and Light. But then, they remembered that it was quite unbecoming for L to kiss Kira. Even still, they didn't disturb the delicate kiss. Finally, when they separated, tears stained the boy's faces, but they couldn't tell due to the onslaught of the rain.

* * *

Authors Note: Thank you for reading. Those two are so difficult to write. #therealstruggle


	3. Can Can

Light shields Ryuzaki from the rain as they make their retreat back inside. The distant strikes of lighting interrupted their shaky kiss and frail moment. He has his collar turned up against the wind and he his arm around Ryuzaki, pulling him towards Light's torso. He's shivering against Light's shoulder and Light thought that he needed to get inside before Ryuzaki got hypothermia. After they successfully made their retreat into the building, a moment of silence passes between them that seems strangely comfortable to Light. But before long the events of the day finally hits him. It's as if he was running and when he stopped the day caught up to him. _Though it's a nice sentiment, I can't _just_ exist with Ryuzaki. I can't. Whatever this is, whatever this _will_ be won't work out. No matter how many sweet words I say about us just being Light and Ryuzaki, we, at our core, will only be L and Kira. _Light gets lost in thought. He notices the other boy wringing is hands, looking uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable Light. I've been told that in the past I make people uncomfortable," Ryuzaki says, avoiding Light's eyes "I know it must be strange to hear one of your male friends telling you that they love you as more than a friend." Light blinks, surprised by Ryuzaki thinking that he was quiet because he just kissed a guy. He chuckles and starts heading toward the nearest restroom for a towel, knowing that the awkward detective will follow him. More beats of silence pass between them as Light ponders what to say to completely pacify Ryuzaki's insecurities.

"You seriously think that? I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't have _some_ romantic feeling towards you."

"It's a fair assessment that you'd be hesitant. People aren't really all that accepting towards people who are different," Ryuzaki whispers the last part

"Different?" Light knows it's rather vulgar to want to know about his sexuality but curiosity gnaws at him.

"Well, to put a crude metaphor on my sexuality would be to say that all my life I've appreciated all types of merchandise but never wanted to buy anything." Light laughs at Ryuzaki's metaphor and his eloquent way of talking. Fondness swells in his chest again as he thinks _so lucky yet so unworthy. _

"No, I don't discriminate. If people want to love someone then let them do it. But _my_ view on love is that _all_ people are too concerned with physical appearances. If you can believe it, when I was younger I wasn't the most attractive thing. When I finally grew into my looks, people who'd never have given me a second look otherwise were suddenly wanted to be my friends. By then I grew disinterested in love and other such frivolous things. Noticing physical appearances is too shallow. To elaborate on your crude metaphor, I just walked right by the merchandise," Light says, looking away from Ryuzaki "I'm more concerned with intellectual capabilities. They have to be smart for me to notice their appearance," Light says, thinking that he says 'their' like there is someone else besides Ryuzaki. Ryuzaki starts walking in step with Light, leaning towards him.

"Do you find me physically attractive?" he innocently asks. Light coughs at the question, blushing.

"Uh, um, w-well…." Light trails off, fighting his instinct to scratch his chin while he's trying not to stutter. He is not a boy in middle school with a childish crush and he will not act like it. He will not give Ryuzaki the satisfaction of his uncomfortableness. At least that's what he says in his head but, in reality, he is visibly uncomfortable. He thinks of the too long glances at Ryuzaki's bedhead and the times he brushed his hand against Ryuzaki's and kept it there for a beat too long and he knows that he is attracted to him. Ryuzaki lovingly smiles at him which makes him even more flustered. His smile is so personal, Light wonders if he was ever smiled at anyone else like that. Even while he was asking himself that, he knew that he's smiled at anyone like he is now.

"That's enough of an answer for me, Light."

"Wait here while I go get us towels," Light commands, abruptly stopping at the top of the stairs. Ryuzaki stands at the bottom of the stairs, peering at Light.

"_Anything_ for you, my love," he says, almost mockingly to Light's back as he walks away._ His love? Strange, I don't much mind the sound of that._

* * *

Two warm towels are slung over Light's shoulder. He was in such a rush to get away from Ryuzaki's prying questions he didn't account on the deafening silence. He longed to continue their clever banter.

A deep, soothing hum reverberated in air in the eerie hallway. The familiarity of the voice beckons Light, like the Siren's call. Ryuzaki sits, at the bottom of the stairs slowly humming _Can Can. _Instead of the normal cheeriness of the song, the slow version Ryuzaki was humming had a pensive mood. Even a nonromantic like Light couldn't bring himself to stop the beautiful song. He relaxes his eyes, focusing on nothing but the bittersweet song. All too soon, the song was over.

"You're back! How long have you been standing there?" the detective says in a slightly accusatory tone. Light didn't know what to say, taken aback from Ryuzaki's tone.

"I got the towels," he decides, tossing a towel to the other boy.

"Thanks," he mutters. He plops down with his back to Light. _Great, now he's pissy at me. If he didn't want anyone to hear his singing then he shouldn't have hummed it in the middle of hallway. _Light glances back at Ryuzaki and scoffs.

"I'm sorry I listened in on you singing, okay?" Light says in an unapologetic tone. The detective shifts and removes the towel from his head. He lies down on the floor and closes his eyes.

"Don't say things you don't mean," Ryuzaki whispers and sighs "You know I used to live in an orphanage don't you?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, if you can believe it, I haven't always been this social," Ryuzaki says, attempting to make a joke "I used to get panic attacks by being near other kids. Watari told me every time that I get nervous I should sing it slowly, as though trying to puncture every note."

"Does that mean you're nervous right now?" Light inquires.

"You tell me, Kira," he responds, with subtle venom in his voice. Light doesn't get flustered though; the venom in his voice only makes the enigma that is Ryuzaki more complex.

"What was it like in an orphanage?"

"When I woke up today I didn't know we'd be having sappy conversation after sappy conversation. I _don't_ want to talk about it," he quietly snaps, turning on his side.

"Whatever," Light snaps back. He vehemently dries his hair. Finally, he gets so angry he gets up to leave. _Stupid Ryuzaki. Fine, be that way. See if I care!_

"Wait," he tiredly says with a note of desperation. He situates himself so he is now propping himself up with his arms. He looks at Light "Don't go," he pleads.

Light immediately complies.

"What do you want to know?" Ryuzaki asks.

"Do you remember anything about your parents?"

"No I do not, next question," he responds curtly.

What where you like when you were a kid?"

"I was told I was very smart, introverted, and blunt. Basically, I was the exact same as I am now. The only difference was I was less smart, I wasn't financially secure, and I still believed in mankind."

"Why are you saying that? You _still _believe in mankind."

"Oh? Why do you think that?"

"You think Kira is evil and want to put him in jail."

"No, I'm not pursing Kira for selfless reasons. I'm not selfless and I never will be. I never turn down a challenge and I want a truly worthwhile puzzle. And I'm also prepared to let millions of criminals die because I want to protect you. I am not selfless. Do not mistake my intentions and motivations, Light. Next question," Ryuzaki commands. Light is confused for a second but then he realizes that this tangent stemmed from him asking Ryuzaki about his life. He composes himself.

"Okay then. How'd you get to be a detective anyway?"

"Is this Light that's asking or Kira?" he playfully asks. Light gives him a frown that prompts him to continue "An acquaintance of Watari was murdered and he was suspected of killing him. The police officers questioned him at the orphanage and they left the case file on a table, unknowingly. I told the police that the evidence pointed to his neighbor. A year later an older kid from the orphanage was charged with murder and I got him off the hook. Watari, then, took notice of my amazing deductive skills. I worked cases vicariously through him and, in no time, I got so rich that I could buy a mansion. And I did."

"When was this?"

"I don't remember the exact age but I'd say I was barely in the double digits," he says, twirling a piece of hair between his thumb and his pointer finger "Anything else?"

"That's all I wanted to ask you. I think I understand you better now," Light smiles.

"Do you now?" Ryuzaki says, vaulting up. He grabs the towel from the floor and approaches Light.

"Does that mean the mystery is gone? Will you abandon me?" Ryuzaki suggests with a fake pained expression on his face.

"Don't be so morbid," Light scolds. The other boy walks around him and rests on a lower step.

"You're right, I'm sorry. Do you want me to massage your feet, almighty Kira?" Ryuzaki challenges, grabbing Light's foot.

"Wh-what are you doing?" He says, trying to jerk away.

"Drying off your foot, obviously."

"But why are you drying my foot?"

"Because I want to. Now hold still," Ryuzaki quietly says. He gets a determined look on his face and clenches Light's foot. Light represses the urge to jerk away. Ryuzaki's hands cup his foot and it feels strangely therapeutic to Light. Even still, it did not stop the laugh in Light's chest whenever the rough towel came in contact with his foot. When Ryuzaki is done, he stares at Light's foot curiously. Ryuzaki raises Light's foot to his lips and plants a peck on the top of his foot.

"Whatareyoudoing?!" Light jerks away, surprised and feeling stupid for his overreaction.

"I didn't know you were ticklish. I thought that you think that I am so below you that I only deserve to kiss your feet," Ryuzaki taunts.

"Only on your off days," Light taunts back. Ryuzaki peers at Light, ignoring his joke. _He can't really believe that I think that about him does he? He's so stupid._ He sighs "I don't mind. You can kiss me if you want. Just don't kiss me in front of the other task force members, my family, or Misa," he shivers at the thought of Misa finding out Ryuzaki and Light have kissed.

Ryuzaki gives him a tiny smile and lightly tugs on Light's shirt. "I think I'd like that kiss now."

"Impatient as always," Light says before closing the distance between him and Ryuzaki. He feels an impending sense of doom as the kiss grows less hesitant.

* * *

"L. Lawliet is your name, huh? L. Lawliet, L. Lawliet, L. Lawliet. I'm going to kill you. No one takes what is mine," a voice whispers from the other side of the hallway.

* * *

Author's Note: I love writing these two. They are so cute together when, you know, Light isn't trying kill Ryuzaki. Thanks for reading!


	4. To Save a Mortal

Author's Note: Thanks for reading! This is the last chapter (not counting the epilogue).

* * *

"Light?" Ryuzaki says while slightly pulling away from Light.

"Yeah?" Light asks distractedly. He would rather continue kissing him but the determined look on Ryuzaki''s face makes him stop himself. But his lips hover a few inches from the other boy's, ready to let his impulse take over at any moment; this was out of character for Light but he didn't care.

"Light, why are you so selfish? You are toying around with me. It would be better if you openly hated me than torturing me like this," Ryuzaki says, voice threatening to break.

"What are you talking about?" Light focuses on Ryuzaki more.

"Basically I'm trying to say I want to hear you say it, to quell my doubts," he clarifies.

"What do you want to hear?" Light says with an ignorant façade.

"Don't play dumb, it doesn't suit you," he chides "I want to hear you say 'love' while talking about me."

_Can I say it? Do I _really _know what love is? I imagine what I feel for him his love but I don't really know, and I'm not really that big a fan of self-doubt. _Light is about to deflect his request when he spots a movement out of the corner of his eye.

He can briefly see two colors before the movement draws back. The colors are a thick, layered black and a fading, sickly yellow. It takes a second to place where he's seen that color before but then he remembers. It's the color of Misa's hair dye. Light instinctively tightens his arms around Ryuzaki, preparing for the inevitable.

"Light what's wrong?" Ryuzaki asks.

"Misa, come out from hiding!" Light commands with an authoritative voice. The detective pivots his torso in Light's arms to see what he's yelling at. A second passes before she reveals herself. She doesn't step fully into the light thus the top half of her isn't visible; however, Light can still see the crazed look in her eyes.

"Misa," Ryuzaki quietly says. He looks like he was to apologize and Light is confused as to why but then he remembers he and Misa are supposedly in a relationship. Light frowns. Ryuzaki isn't altruistic and shouldn't start developing that trait now. Not when his life is in danger.

"So it _is _true that you're in love someone else?! You betrayed me Light! You said you loved me!" Misa screams. The words, "I was never yours" are perched on his tongue but he thinks better of it.

"Misa, let's talk about this," he tries to soothe her while separating himself from the detective.

"I'm going to kill him! He took what is mine!" she screams and a deranged smile appears on her face "Then we'll be together always." She reaches her hand in her bag and pulls out her Death Note and a pen "Forever and always," she says with a chuckle. Light shoots up.

"Think about what you're doing, Misa! You can never come back from this," Ryuzaki says. He stands up, as though anticipating her next move.

"Hah! _You're_ the one not coming back from this!" She flings open the Death Note and begins the first strokes but Light disarms her by snatch the Death Note out of her hands. A thud beats across his vision and he glances at his shinigami but ignores him since he has to time for pleasantries.

He doesn't touch Misa because of the repulsed feeling in his chest and the fact that it is pointless to touch her since she's harmless without her notebook.

"Let's talk about this….." Light attempts to not let her repugnance get to him. Before Misa could respond, Ryuzaki slaps a pair of cuffs on her wrists. It looks unnatural, Ryuzaki looking like an actual detective.

Misa shrieks, fury in her eyes.

"I gave you a chance to give yourself up but you refused," Ryuzaki says with an indifferent look on his face.

"Wh-what are you going to do?"

"I'm taking you to prison," he responds limply. Light sharply exhales from panic. _If he puts her in prison then there is a possibility I'll be found out. _Ryuzaki gives him a look that is supposed to be reassuring.

Light is not assured in the least.

"Yo, wassup Light?" Ryuk says in his carefree way. He chews on his nail to signal that he's in a bad spot because Ryuzaki can't see Ryuk.

"Oh? Worried about what will happen to you if L turns Misa over?" Ryuk asks. Light deepens his frown as an answer.

"Well, Rem won't let it get that far anyway. She won't let Misa die," Ryuk reasons. Realazation and horror passes through his mind

_He's right! Rem will just kill him. And besides, it's not like _I'm _killing L and I can't stop Rem from killing him. _He looks at Ryuzaki with a long note of fondness mixed with sadness. Another voice says, _Well, I _could _forfeit ownership of the Death Note so she goes back to the shinigami realm. Then, afterwards the knowledge as to why Misa is Kira will spread so everyone at the task force would know. Then, Ryuzaki would be safe since there would be no point in killing him since everyone on the taskforces knows. _His voices dual with each other. One thing is clear: in order to save Ryuzaki, Light would have to give up being Kira.

He turns his head to look at L. The boy gives him a small smile which quickens his heart rate and he thinks to himself, _I'm I, a god, willing to stoop down to save a mortal?_

* * *

Clacks echo through the hallway. As they approach the common area, Light still doesn't get any closer to deciding. He can faintly see Rem's outline from the end of the hallway and, for the first time in his life, feels truly desperate. He can't abandon his creation of the new world. _Ryuzaki, I'm so sorry._

Rem's attention snaps towards them its eyes widen. When they reach the commons, Rem reaches for her notebook.

"Ryuzaki, what are you doing?" Matsuda exclaims. Rem starts the first strokes. People accuse Ryuzaki of falsely accusing Misa again. They ask him to explain himself. She starts to work on the last name. Ryuzaki opens his mouth to explain. Panic can be controlled but pure sadness is something you cannot.

"St-" Light blurts, trying to stop Rem. But, it's too late. She puts away her pen and fades into dust.

* * *

The next 40 seconds are the longest 40 seconds of Light's life. He looks at Ryuzaki and grabs his arm. He looks back him with an understanding smile. His smile splinters what little heart Light has left. They stand, looking at each other and ignoring the barrage of inquisitive questions.

"Well, that's what I get for loving you. I'm a grade-A moron and the real life version of the little mermaid," Ryuzaki says with misty eyes. That did it, Ryuzaki's eyes broke Light's heart completely. Before he knows it, he has his arms wrapped around Ryuzaki, hugging him in a manner a little too intimate to be just friends but he doesn't care at the moment. He killed Ryuzaki, the only person he's ever…..loved.

He buries his head in Ryuzaki's shoulder. The fabric is soft and smells like vanilla. Ten more seconds.

"About that thing you wanted me to say earlier…." He gulps at his ill-timed confession "I love you." He feels Ryuzaki's jaw forming a little smile.

"Even here, on my deathbed, you're lying to me. You don't love me," he pauses and sneers "Kira." Then he goes limp in Kira's arms.


	5. Oblivion

L's Funeral

* * *

"Light, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend," Soichiro Yagami says, patting his son's shoulder.

"Dad, you know as well as I do that Ryuzaki and I were more than just friends," Light says with taunting malice in his voice. He doesn't have the energy to put on his composed façade.

"Don't say such a ridiculous thing!" he scolds. _Huh, so he's a homophobe? Whatever happen to "be yourself"? Hypocrite. _

"Of course, I was only kidding. I want to be alone so I can say my final goodbye to my _friend_," he mocks. His father leaves but throws him a concerned.

His grave is marked with his pseudonym. Ryuzaki. Light is glad that they didn't post his real name. He wants it to remain a mystery forever. The cool breeze caresses his hand, as though it's trying to hold it. He kneels in the dirt above L's grave.

"I know you didn't believe me but I _really _did love you," he says with a shaky exhale and delicately strokes the cool granite where his pseudonym is engraved "Light is dead," he chokes out.

The breeze sways the trees.

"This is Kira speaking. With your death, all traces of my humanity are gone. I died with you that day. So, wherever you're going, I'll be going as well," he rests his forehead on the stone "I will not let your death be in vain. I know you were against Kira but I know you hated evil. I will craft the world in your image. You'd want that right, Ryuzaki?" he chuckles "I'll be seeing you soon, love." He gets up and heads towards the limo.

* * *

_Death sure is boring, _Ryuzaki thinks.

"Ryuzaki? Is that you?" a familiar voice eagerly asks. He whips around to confirm the identity of the voice. Light, in all his beauty, stands behind him with a happily surprised look plastered on his face. He goes up to Ryuzaki and caresses his cold cheek and puts his forehead on his.

"There you are. I was lost there and for a moment I couldn't find you," Light whispers. Ryuzaki bites the inside of his cheek to keep him from breaking out into a big, ugly smile. He composes himself. Light chuckles and says "Let's go for a walk."

"Well, I suppose death will be more fun if you're here," Ryuzaki says with an indifferent tone. Light grabs his hand and gives him a tiny smile to show that he doesn't believe in his poorly constructed, indifferent façade.

Ryuzaki and Light walk toward oblivion, hand-in-hand. They don't bother waiting for Kira. Ryuzaki loves Light not Kira so there is no point in waiting up for him.

* * *

Author's Note: Thank you for reading!I really appreciate it. Reviews are also appreciated, especially if they have include constructive criticism.


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